This is my Dad, John. That’s me on his lap, my Mum and my brother.
Dad died, unexpectedly and very suddenly, last Wednesday, the 10th January. We’re not sure exactly why, as yet, but will have the coroner’s report soon so I’ll keep you updated. (We now know that it was a pulmonary embolism and deep vein thrombosis, causing a sudden and severe cardiac arrest. He wouldn’t have known much about it.)
He was a lovely man. I described him the other day as an extraordinary man in the most ordinary ways. He lived by the most basic human values in every aspect of his life: consideration for others, kindness, compassion, respect, good humour. These aren’t always the qualities that are most celebrated, but to me they’re the most important. And judging by the genuinely overwhelming number of messages we’ve received over the past few days, clearly many other people – family, friends, and colleagues – valued those qualities too.
As one good friend put in a message, “I’ve never heard anyone say a bad word about your dad”. And it’s true, neither have I (well, apart from the immediate family of course, including myself, but that’s allowed).
I think Dad and I had a fairly typical father/son relationship. Neither of us doubted we loved each other, though we were very British in not expressing that too often, and for my part I was always completely confident that, should I need it in any form, his support (and mum’s) would be immediate and unconditional. He never put me or my brother under any pressure to achieve, he just supported us in whatever choices we made. Advice and guidance was always delivered softly, and with compassion. That’s about as good as it gets.
He taught me so much, but almost everything I’ve learnt from him was delivered by example, not by instruction. I want to write some of those lessons down. It’ll be a lovely way to remember him and to recall, share and store some stories. It’s a bit self-indulgent, but I hope others take something away from them too. The first one is up here, and it might be the most important one of the lot. It certainly feels like it right now. The rest will be gathered under the category, Lessons from Dad.
Take care of yourselves, and stay close to those you love.